Movie Etiquette for the Age of Stupid

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Life

There is a new movie coming out called The Age of Stupid. Let’s face it. We’re in it. The age of stupid I mean. I went to the movies yesterday for the first time in months. It’s something I used to on a regular basis but a matinee at the Burbank Town Center to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince showed me that The Age of Stupid cannot come out soon enough.
People do not know how to behave in a movie theater anymore. No sir, they don’t. So, in case you were wondering how you SHOULD behave in a movie theater, here’s some do’s and…DON’Ts

10. DON’T talk all the way through the movie. I don’t care about your petty friendship problems. I want to hear the friggin’ movie.
9. DON’T make cute hand puppets in the air to reflect on the movie screen during the movie.
8. DON’T take/make calls/texts/tweets on your cell phone. Turn the friggin’ thing OFF.
7. Buy food/drinks BEFORE the movie. Not 20 times during it – especially at crucial moments.
6.Pick a seat BEFORE the movie starts. Not a dozen times during it.
5. DO pick ONE seat and sit in it. Not ON it, over it, around it and keep your effing feet off the back of the seat in front of you. I don’t want to have to crane my neck to see over your stupid steel-tipped boots. And, by the way, what is up with people who walk into a half-empty theater and who sit DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU???
4. DON’T yell out plot points at crucial moments and don’t criticize the acting/writing/dialogue whilst it is in progress.
3. DON’T get up and leave the movie constantly, leave the theater door open and come back zipping up your pants. This is gross.
2. DON’T rummage through your popcorn barrel like you’re panning for gold. It’s popcorn. It’s all the same.
1. DON’T be an ASS by taping the movie on your iPhone, camcorder or whatever. It is theft. and you will be stopped. Download it for free here:

How about you? What are your pet movie-going peeves?

Aloha oe,


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