Author, A. J. Llewellyn

 

Waikiki Vampire Chronicles

Chapter Three: O ke aloha ka ‘iu ~Love is paradise

Cover Art: John Bruno       

Model: Leo Giamani

By A.J. Llewellyn

 

Link to Chapter One: http://www.ajllewellyn.com/site/2013/01/09/1960/

Link to Chapter Two: http://www.ajllewellyn.com/site/2014/01/01/2149/

 

Chapter Three

 

I ran through the house toward the source of the hysterical screaming just as Kalani let the people from Child Protective Services into the house.

“Smoke!” Tem yelled from somewhere behind me, his voice muffled.

“Is there a fire in here?” a female voice demanded.

Oh, no. I recognized the shrill tones of Martha, our case worker from Applewood Orphanage.

“Get the boys and take them outside,” I instructed Tem when he appeared beside me. “I’ll look for Moontime.”

“Please, Div! Find him!” Tem sounded far away now. I couldn’t see him for all the smoke, and I really had no idea where to look for our cat. I bumped into something solid. Holy moly. Jim Carter from CPS, closely followed by his steely sidekick, April Montgomery.

From some place close, a deep, demonic voice giggled. April’s mouth dropped open in a frozen, frightened O, as the air took on a deathly stench. Coupled with smoke from the fire I could see licking along the doorframe of my office, it was scary as hell.

“Jim, April, please go outside. We’ll be right there.”

“Keej—” Jim started to say.

“Tem has both boys.” I hope. “Please, the sprinkler system hasn’t kicked in, and I don’t know why.” I pointed toward the back door.

They didn’t argue.

They retreated. The smoke was thick and impenetrable.

“Stay low!” I yelled after them. We had three extinguishers on the premises installed by our trusty security expert, Francois Aumary, plus bulletproof glass on all our windows and cabinetry.

He’d also installed sprinklers in some of the rooms. Why the hell weren’t they working?

Martha suddenly emerged from my office and gave a shriek, just as water jetted from the from the door. She scuttled past me. I pointed to the back door and she didn’t stop.

“Akua! Keej! Tem” I yelled. I had to get them out of the house.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. A chilly breath crept along my right arm, then my left.

“Stop it!” I commanded.

The mad laughter grew closer. It was a horrible sound, like a thousand guttural voices straight out of a bad horror movie.

Somebody tickled my stomach, then the back of my neck.

I whipped around, furious that anyone would play games with me at a time like this. The tickling continued. Whoever was doing it knew the exact places to get me, except that the perpetrator was now pressing harder. I tried to fight off the invisible fingers now pinching and cutting into my skin.

And then I saw the shimmer.

Hot damn!

Tijlaug! That ghostly little runt had set fire to my house and thought it was funny!

Tem raged past me, a fire extinguisher under one arm, Keej under the other. Thick, acrid smoke continued to pour out of my office as Jim and April reappeared.

“Where is Keej?” April shouted at me.

“This is no time to fool around!” Tem telepathed. Aloud he turned to the CPS officials. “The kids are safe. Let’s get out of here.”

Somebody began biting my ankles. I glanced down to find a petrified-looking Akua. That did it. Nobody scared my nephew that way.

“Get up here. Now,” I commanded him. His storm-demon eyes turned red and he levitated to my shoulders quickly.

April looked astonished, but I couldn’t worry about that now.

“Hold on, Akua!” I shouted. “Don’t look, baby!”

He straddled my neck, then I turned and tried to fix my gaze on the flickering Tijlaug. I threw my hands toward him. He was pointing and laughing at me, but suddenly let out a shriek.

“I’ve been dead a lot longer than you, you little fire-starter,” I whispered. “I know some tricks.”

Tijlaug writhed in pain, his crazy laughter turning into agonized yelps as from outside, sirens blared.

“Oh, please,” I shouted at the zashiki warashi over the cacophony. “It doesn’t hurt that much.”

At least, I didn’t think so. I had received an unexpected gift along with my family’s vampire curse. I could toss ectoplasm out of my fingertips and fling it at a ghost. It was supposed to freeze them and stop them in their tracks. I’d never needed this talent before, because most of the ghosts I encountered were deceased family members, or helpful entities. Not little dickheads like Tijlaug, and so I had no idea if Tijlaug was really in pain or whether he was exhibiting a flair for the dramatic.

Suddenly, he smiled. Blossom had arrived and like the mischievous little imp that he was, he became captivated by the crystals on her beaded dress. His head tilted from side to side. His spiteful expression returned and he tried to yank one of the crystals off her bodice.

She went crazy, hosing him with great gusts of ectoplasm.

Tijlaug’s shrieks grew more frenzied. Akua gasped and wrapped his legs and hands around my head.

I couldn’t see.

“Akua! Leggo!”

Tijlaug was on the floor now, mewing like a pitiful kitten. I peeled my nephew’s hands from my eyes and looked down at Tijlaug. Man, he was an ugly mofo.

“He’s playing for sympathy,” Blossom seethed. “Get the baby out of here. I’ll deal with this little bastard myself.”

“No!” Tijlaug, the little drama queen that he was, jumped to his feet, threw his hands up in the air and ran off, just as Keej collided with me, burying his face in my knee cap.

“Are you okay Keej?” I asked, picking him up. “What are you doing back here?”

He looked excited. “Tem’s putting out another fire! He’s so awesome!”

I raced outside with both boys.

“That was so cool!” Akua enthused when Tem emerged from the house drenched in fire extinguisher foam. Martha, Jim, and April were spluttering and coughing.

Fire fighters paraded past us, invading the house. Some of them were super-cute, too.

Both boys clung to me as smoke spiraled out of our windows and doors in dispirited circles into the air.

I wondered where the hell Moontime was, and hope he hadn’t been hiding in my office. No. I felt he’d gone off for a good long sulk some place away from the house. He was alive, I was sure of it. I glanced at Tem and my heart broke to see his woebegone expression.

“So many beautiful things, destroyed,” he said, his bewildered, beautiful eyes tearing my soul to shreds.

I couldn’t say they were just things. I couldn’t say we’d replace them. Many of the items in my office were family heirlooms. They were one-of-a-kind pieces. I closed my eyes and hugged the two boys closer to me. A wretched tiredness swept over me. I’d just remembered that shrouding a ghost–the proper terminology for flinging ectoplasm–was supposed to be exhausting work.

The fire crew came back out of the house, rolling up their massive hoses.

“She’s out,” one of the men said to me.

I opened my eyes, aware of April’s scrutiny.

“It wasn’t as bad as it looked,” the fireman said. “Somebody set three different fires in your office, using some old wooden toys in your cabinets. Your sprinkler system works, but your friend Tem indicates the blaze kept re-starting. Somebody in this house is a real fire bug. Whoever it was tried to sabotage your security system. Amazing those flames didn’t spread.”

“That was Tem’s quick thinking,” I said. “He went in with a fire extinguisher and blasted the place.”

“Other fires were set in a couple of other rooms,” the fireman told me. “For some reason, none of them ignited. Weird, huh?”

Blossom emerged from the house and grabbed herself a handful of fireman’s ass.

“Verrrry nice work,” she told him. The poor guy looked like he was really starting to sweat now.

I exchanged looks with Tem. It was astonishing to think that the zashiki warashi would wreak such havoc when we’d welcomed him into our home. I’d always heard they were troublemakers but had been willing to give him a chance.

Not anymore.

He’d deliberately started more fires. He could have killed Tem. Tijlaug could have killed everybody.

What’s more, I knew one of those toys used as kindling was a very rare, original prototype G.I. Joe from 1963 with a face hand-crafted to look like Sean Connery. Now priced at $200,000 I had bought it for myself as a gag gift one lonely Christmas. I had no idea it would become so valuable. I’d kept it for its increasing worth, and, as a reminder of my life waiting for Tem to find me. Up until the day I met him, the only man I had any desire to undress and play with was that G.I. Joe doll.

“Oh, Div.” He must have been reading my thoughts, because he shook his head at me.

“Any idea who started it?” the fireman asked, writing something down on a clipboard.

“None,” I said.

“None?” he gave me a look of disbelief, and I spread my hands. “We’ve had some strange people up here on the mountain lately. Total strangers. We have security, but when we’re home, our house isn’t exactly Fort Knox.”

He held my gaze a moment. What I’d said was true. I just neglected to mention that one of the strangers was a dead one, bent on trouble.

My sister and Clancy trooped out of the house holding several instruments in their arms.

“They’re irreplaceable,” Clancy muttered.

Yes, they were. I wish I could have salvaged some of my things, but I had to grow a pair and stop dwelling on the subject.

“You need better security,” the fireman said. “With the drought we’ve been having, you’re lucky this old house didn’t fall apart completely. Look at the shape it’s in!”

Old? Who you callin’ old, buddy? You’re lucky I only eat bad guys! Bad Div, bad.

“Somebody will be following up with you within a couple of hours. We’ve put tape across the office door. Nobody’s to go in there.” He ripped a sheet of paper from his clipboard. ”

“We can go inside the house?” Tem asked.

“Except for that room,” the fireman snapped as he stalked away from our property. The boys waved to the crew as they loaded up on the fire truck.

With the house cleared for us to re-enter, we all walked in, the mood somber as Tem flung open more windows.

“Well!” he said, with a bouncy air. “That was an adventure, wasn’t it?”

Martha, Jim, and April all looked homicidal. My poor man’s face fell. I knew we were thinking the same thing. They would take Keej from us. They would hate us forever and ban us for life from the orphanage for not keeping an eye on him. We’d be persona non grata, like the Octomom lady but with no plastic surgery.

I worried for poor little Keej. They would blame him for this episode, when it had nothing to do with him.

There was a moment of awkwardness where they said nothing and Tem, Clancy, Kalani, Blossom, and I all exchanged furtive looks.

The girls put the instruments on chairs at the kitchen table.

“Tem darling, you will make us some tea?” Blossom inclined her head to my addled husband who blinked a few times, then nodded.

“Yes, of course.” He threw a desperate look at me.

“Akua-san, Keej-san, you come with grandma now, darlings.” Blossom was dripping a sweetness completely out of character for her.

Where is the vampire queen and what have you done with her? I didn’t recognize this doting, domesticated duchess. I kept remembering her naked in red high heels stripping for her weirdo boyfriend.

I shook my head of the memory. It was almost worse than Tijlaug’s insane laughter. Where the hell was that hideous creature, anyway?

“Where’s Tijlaug?” Tem’s thoughts invaded mine.

“No idea. Brace yourself, sweetheart. They’re going to take Keej from us.”

“Never,” Tem telepathed. I received images of us on a boat in the ocean with the two boys. Oh, man. He was planning an escape.

I let both boys down to the ground. They kissed my cheeks, and I kissed theirs. They took each other’s hands and went off with Blossom. I caught Jim and April staring at me. Jim suddenly coughed.

Tem sprang into action, instantly offering him iced water. He turned on the kettle, then opened the cupboards looking for food.

My God.

They were all bare.

Holy moly, Mother Hubbard!

I closed my eyes. Tijlaug had been a busy little prick. He must have emptied them.

“Oh!” Tem’s cheeks flamed, closing them quickly.

“We don’t even have a single tea leaf,” he telepathed to me. “What’s CPS going to say when they see we don’t have any food for Keej?”

I sent frantic messages to my sister, who nodded.

“Distract them. Ask Clancy to play something. You know what a ham she is. I’ll go down to the bomb shelter and get some supplies,” she telepathed, then slipped away quickly.

I’d forgotten about our secret hideaway. We called it a bomb shelter, but it was really a panic room for us vampires to sleep in total safety should we need it.

That relieved me. I sent this message to Tem, who gave Clancy a dazzling smile.

“Clancy, while I’m making tea, why don’t you play us some nice music?” he asked, getting out our finest china. It was Royal Doulton with a pattern called Colclough Braganza. Tem had searched for it for months on various antique websites because it was the pattern used in a British TV series called Keeping Up Appearances, except that on that show, Hyacinth Bouquet pompously calls it “My Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.”

“I’d love it,” Clancy said, picking up her Stradivarius from one of the kitchen chairs. She sat on the countertop, legs crossed, her expression dreamy-eyed as she began playing.

“Please, sit down,” I urged our guests. I moved all the instruments to a sideboard. I was surprised Jim and April still hadn’t said anything. The place smelled disgusting, we had no visible food in the place, and, God help me, Clancy was playing the worst possible music she could have chosen.

“Is that a funeral dirge?” April ventured.

I laughed out loud, making everyone jump. “Clancy has a wicked sense of humor. My wife is quite the comedian.”

Clancy opened and closed her mouth. Since becoming a vampire, she’s turned into quite the macabre little musician. She stared at me, fuming, but changed the music to something livelier. It sounded Hawaiian and made me want to bring out my hula skirt.

Much better.

Behind me, Kalani was back with an armful of packages, and, I noticed, some pieces of fresh fruit from the garden. She took over helping Tem in the kitchen. Clancy was usually his helper. Within minutes, Blossom had returned with the kids. I glanced at Keej, surprised to see a shimmer around him.

Dang, I’d thought Tijlaug was gone. Kalani and Tem brought the tea tray to the table. The boys drank fresh pineapple juice and nibbled at ham and cheese sandwiches Kalani had cut into triangles.

They were giggling about something, completely unaffected by the drama.

I was anxious about Akua but he was a model gentleman. He didn’t fling a single piece of bread across the room, didn’t unleash a single tantrum, and there was no projectile vomiting, his favorite party trick.

He and Keej ate quickly. “Uncle Div, can we play with our wii?” he asked.

“Yeah! Can we? Please?” Keej looked pleadingly at me.

“Of course you can,” Tem soothed. “Blossom, do you mind—”

“I’d be happy to watch them,” she said, rising from the table and gliding away with such ancient charm, even I was beguiled.

I began to worry. She was never this nice, so I wondered what price I’d have to pay for this little pantomime.

She left behind a whiff of some spicy kind of perfume, and a dark red lipstick mark on the edge of Tem’s teacup that I knew he’d never be able to remove. Blossom’s lipsticks were ancient Chinese formulas created centuries ago for concubines so that they would always have perfect mouths. Those lipsticks lived longer than the women who used them.

There was a knock at the back door. Clancy and Heavenly opened it.

Oh, heck no. Siberio.

Blossom’s lover came in dressed in his black tunic and skinny black pants. He wore love beads and Maltese crosses around his neck. He’d taken time to brush his long hair. I wanted to pull it out by the roots. He smiled at the women, and swept a stray strand back with a long, tapered hand that featured black nail polish on his fingertips.

How the hell did I explain this creature feature to the people from CPS?

“Howdy,” he said. This was weird considering he sounded like Count Dracula.

I’ve grappled with the problem of understanding women for several centuries now. I’m still no closer to getting them. I was shocked when both Martha and April seemed smitten by him.

“I’m a shaman,” he told them, taking the seat vacated by Blossom.

Martha, a plump, pleasant woman who is always on a diet but never seems to lose weight, showed an avid interest in the weird food program Siberio suddenly prescribed to her.

Clancy and Heavenly showed a strange interest in the guy, too. I hoped they weren’t contemplating a threesome. Blossom would kill them. All three of them.

“I’d like to lose weight too,” a stick-thin April said loudly.

“I can devise something tailored to your needs based on spiritual contemplation.”

Oh, fuck, no!

Tem looked petrified. He’s a head case. Any second now they’ll figure it out. They’re going to take my baby from me! His thoughts screamed.

I was ready to drop-kick Siberio off our mountain, but for some bizarre reason he’d charmed the women, and Jim seemed to like him, too.

“Keej has such a wonderful family,” April said. “We’re to let him stay with you.”

“These are righteous folk,” Siberio said, nodding to her.

Say, maybe this asshole wasn’t so bad after all.

“We’re so happy for him,” Jim said.

Martha was a little more grounded than April. Maybe she didn’t dig the love beads so much. “We want to know the outcome of the investigation into the fire,” she told me.

They got up and left the house, Siberio walking off to find Blossom and the boys.

“I’ve been so worried,” Martha said to me. “We got such crazy reports from Keej’s family.” She pulled a face. “Are you sure he didn’t start the fire?”

“Of course not,” I assured her.

Once she and the others left, Tem and I cleaned up the kitchen.

“We’re going for a ride,” Clancy told us. I had no idea if she meant their horses, or each other. I decided I didn’t want to know which. As soon as they left, Tem looked at me.

“Still no sign of Moontime, Div.” His gaze broke my heart.

“We’ll find him,” I promised, pulling him into my arms. I was about to give him a kiss to end all kisses when Blossom and Siberio emerged with the boys.

“Do you mind if we show Siberio the panic room?” she asked. “I think he’ll be so impressed.”

“I don’t mind,” I said. “Take your time.”

“Look after my babies,” Tem instructed. He was so possessive of those boys.

And I am possessive of him. I took the kitchen sponge out of his hand and steered him to our bedroom. He needed a major distraction, and I needed to suck his cock.

He let me kiss him. I felt his focus wavering on the damned cat as I began to undress him. I pushed him to the bed and began unbuttoning his tight, vintage jeans. He was getting a nice big hard-on as I worked on him.

Suddenly, he brushed my hand away, and sat up on the bed shouting, “When the cat’s away!”

“What?” I only had two buttons to go on his fly. Damn!

“Don’t you see?” he asked, his lovely eyes looking troubled again.

“See what, my love?” I see your juicy cock waiting for my attention.

“Oh, Div. You have such a one-track mind.

“I know it.” I hung my head in shame.

“When the Cat’s Away,” he repeated. “The French movie we saw, remember? Where the woman in Paris loses her cat and goes all over the city looking for him and for weeks goes crazy and it turns out he was stuck behind her stove all that time. Oh, Div! What if Moontime is stuck behind ours?”

He bolted from the bed and out of the room.

I followed him into the kitchen, hoping the people from CPS wouldn’t show up  as Tem dismantled the joint. I helped him move the stove.

No Moontime.

My cell phone rang. I was surprised to hear Keej’s uncle apologizing for hanging up on me.

“I wasn’t very nice to you,” he said. “In fact, my wife says I was very rude.”

Resisting the urge to say, “You were,” I waited to hear what he was going to tell me.

“Anyway, I had to call back because there’s something you should know.”

“Oh?” I said as I heard some ragged cat shrieks.

“Moontime!” Tem and I shouted in unison.

Tem pulled our bedraggled boy from behind the fridge. He looked awful. Crimson slashes on his neck and chest glistened with blood.

“He’s…he’s hurt, Div.” Tem turned frightened eyes toward me. He gaped at me. A chilly breath puffed at the back of my neck.

“There’s no good way to tell you this but Keej has demon possession,” the uncle said.

“Yes. We are aware of that.”

He inhaled sharply. “You are? How?”

“We met.”

A pause. “Which one did you meet?”

The chilly sensation began to envelop me. “You mean there’s more than one?”

“Who did you meet?” he demanded.

“Tijlaug.”

There was a brief pause. Then, “He’s bad. But his twin is worse. If you want your family to stay alive, get out of that house. Now.”

I clutched the phone, staring at Tem as Moontime seemed to collapse in his arms.

“The one you have to be really afraid of is Neng,” the uncle went on.

“Neng?”

“Tijlaug’s twin sister. She’s really bad. I mean, she’s the demon seed. She will do anything she can to harm humans. And family pets. Her name means shaman, and she loves more than anything to take over people she thinks are phony.”

My God. Siberio. He’d just gone down into the panic room with Blossom, Akua, and…Keej.

The cold breath at my neck turned into a bite. I felt a pair of teeth chomp into me and I began to choke.

I dropped the phone. “Tem. Help me.”

And then the world went black.